Hi plain screen,

I owe you my words. 

Hahaha

Losing the zeal.

It's 'Dunya' that kills you.

The last good bye

Assalamualaikum. Peace and blessings be upon you.
So tomorrow is the day. I will inshaallah, officially become one of the Pahang Matriculation College students! I'm quite excited but unsure whether I'm all prepared or not. But the most essential thing to me is the Jihad that I'm taking with me. It's not going to be ended by tomorrow inshaallah. Isn't learning is also a Jihad in Islam? I am hoping that God will guide me and let me through all the hardships successfully. Ameen.

Desires or Nafs.

Assalamualaikum. Peace be upon y'all.
This is going to be a short post, a reminder to myself inshaallah. You know when you have that feeling, when you are badly craving for something. You really want it that you'll feel such a loser if you never get that thing. Well, it happens to me sometimes. That brand new clothes, shoes, smartphones argh man it just makes me desperate to own it. But then again, questions such 'If I die, that things, that 'precious' things, would it benefit me?' and 'If I die, who's gonna inherit my properties?' and 'What shall I bring to my life in the grave and the hereafter?'. It's moved me. I don't know for sure how to answer these questions. I'm clueless. But come to think of it, there's actually a logical response to this. I should hold my desires or nafs back, if I don't, I might swallow myself up. Yeah, I'm not being grateful for what I already have. Shame on me.

Cause life is not just a game, your nafs, your imaan, your aqidah, these things that actually show who you really are. You will die, maybe next year, maybe next month, or maybe it'll be tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the end of your life. And now you know that you're gonna die tomorrow, you have lesser time than you've expected. What are you going to do now? Making taubah, pray to God? Tell me, cause you're weak Sharifah. You are too weak, to hold all of your desires. You have been deceived by this worldly life. Ha-ha serve you right. God has given you time and all the things that you need, and what, is this the right moment to pray? How many days of your life have you wasted for Dunya? Nahh don't answer that. Cause that won't even help you now. What if your life will be ended right after this second? Mashaallah. Say alhamdulillah.

Never lose faith

Assalamualaikum. Peace be upon you.
Sometimes it is hard for you to get back up when you have failed before. And it is even harder when you've unintentionally ruined your second chance. You have no idea what causes you to fail twice. Why is that happening? Because deep in your heart, you know that you really have the ability to pass the test. You deserve it.

But how did I fail? I was so pissed off at that moment that I felt like shooting him ( the JPJ guy ). I was fed up with my result. I could still remember what had happened on that day. It was very frustrating. 'What's your number?' 'Fifty!' 'Ok. Get out of the car, left it there, quickly.' and I was like what are you talking about? What have I done? I was completely surprised. But Alhamdulillah, I passed on my third attempt. Wehuu :)

 I'm just glad that it is finally over. No more extra driving lessons. Yeay! Alhamdulillah. I feel like my prayers have been answered, at last. Alhamdulillah. Maybe there's a reason behind this. I realize that no matter how many times I've failed, I must have faith and try again. Work harder and learn from the mistakes. I ain't giving up.

cause you know how unlucky you'll be

Change.

Assalamualaikum. Peace be upon you.
"If you want to see change, start changing." So I have many dreams in my life that I want to achieve. Be it rational or not, I'm determined to make it. Well, of course, I can't easily presume that all of my dreams will inherently come true. But somehow, I still can visualize how it gonna be ( If it's ever come true ). I've been thinking that if I ever want something, I should not think of failure. I shouldn't look back and regret my past. I need to overcome my weaknesses that cause me fall yesterday. I mean, I have to look forward.The only thing that I must do is to take risks. If I never put an attempt at something, I will never see how it goes in the end. I need to plan and take the first step. I have to believe in myself. That I can be a champion someday.

And after all of the efforts that I've put in to make those dreams come true, 'Tawakkaltu Ala-Allah' is the last thing to do. Which means, I am putting my trust in Allah and depending on Him.

Nothing.

Assalamualaikum, peace be upon you.
Bismillahirahmannirrahim.

To whoever you are, I don't know why are you reading this and I don't think that you will understand what I'm about to say. Because I doubt you'll feel the same way I feel. To be frank, I can't sleep even though it's already 4.08 am. My eyes often refuse to close as usual. Sad. Right now, I'm feeling nothing. I mean it's actually hard for me to describe what kind of situation I have here but that's the only word I know to use. Lol. I know, maybe you're thinking that you've felt this way before, but I don't think so man. Because it is the feeling where I can't even describe it to myself. Ugh. Sigh. Ye know, sometimes despite of being happy, I feel sad and gloomy. Though I laugh cheerfully, my heart feels the opposite way to how I've acted. Just because pretending that I'm physically happy is doable, it doesn't mean that I'm actually feeling great. I just play the role of a character. Lol. Yeah, I laugh but argh I dunno. Like something is trying to knock me down again. Giving me headache and sickness. I loathe it. It feels like I'm lacking something. Something that is intangible.

Mind torturing thoughts.
"Too much questions were in my mind. Since the day where I don't even remember how it was all started. It kept reaching up day by day but only a few were solved. The others remain clueless."

Hafta find lots of knowledge yeah since I lack it. Lol. I have to be more 'sabr' in order to get it. Ameen Ya Rabb.

The Future.

Assalamualaikum. Peace be upon you.
Alhamdulillah, my life has been great so far.
Actually, I really want to pursue my study in oversea.
Um I have a lot to say. It will probably take one day to only write this. Hahaha. I'm grateful enough with what I have now. Indeed, I am. As a muslim, I want to improve myself to be a better servant to God. Like hijrah. I'm still learning, and studying. I know, it's impossible for me to learn everything in a short of a time. I have to keep persevering and have faith. There are many things that I dunno yet. Sigh. I wanna change my dress-code. Think I'll have to buy some new clothes haha. Exciting but the thing is I'm a little bit lazy when it comes to shopping. I'm picky and I really need to survey on what top that is nice and super duper comfortable. Plus, I hate it when the sales girl are trying to greet me. Leave me alone! Just ignore me, please. I have to change the way I dress myself up. Am trying oh yeah.

Okay as I said before, I wanted to study in oversea.
I really want to. But I've only got 5 A's in SPM. But I'm not feeling sad or any other feelings that people have when they're down. I'm just thankful cause I've expected the worst. Hik. So here's the problem. I know my result is not qualified to get any scholarships. I'm in a dilemma. If I register for matriculation, I have the chance of getting a scholarship but I must achieve 4 flat. Yeah, I know it's tough, man. And it's way too risky, I guess. Because if I can't survive, I might have a darker future. I dunno. I really have to work hard for this. I know I can do it. Yeah! I can, I can be anything that I want. I can be a champion! Need to study hard smart. Haha. Yeah, I'll do it for the sake of Allah swt. For my brighter future, for my future husband! Eh? Hahaha. I believe that I can. I won't let myself down. Jyeah! :D

And one more thing, I have to avoid from falling in love with someone cause it's actually making me detached from the reality. Making me more weird. It's quite burdening sometimes when you are always thinking of someone. Trust me, I've experienced that before even though he's only my ex-crush. I need to focus on my future, I don't have time and money ( if I'm in love lol ) to waste. And in the future, I might soon meet my future husband. The only man that should be loved excluding my father and bro. So I guess, I'll just wait while I'm preparing for a brighter future. Jyeah! :D

Coming back.

Who's coming back? Haha Well, I'm back to the world of blogging. My previous blog was full of drama. So I decided to delete it. I have my other own reasons actually. I want to keep this blog as simple as I can. And wish to post it in English cause I really want to improve my English speaking etc.